Actually, I would welcome it if that was, indeed, the problem - something solid I can put my finger on. "This relationship is moving too fast. We need to slow down." This I can understand and respond to. But, unfortunately, it's just not that simple.
I've been dreading putting it here in this blog for two reasons: 1) He may read it, or at least his friends might read it and, more importantly, 2) I don't actually understand what the actual problem is.
If I don't understand it, how can I possibly explain it to a bunch of strangers (and friends, moms, ex boyfriends, etc) on a blog? So for now I'll just say this, it all feels like a big, jumbled cacophony of noise in my head.
One second I'm thinking, "He's being a jerk." Then it's, "Why am I being such a whiner?" Followed by, "Would it kill him to say please?" Then, "I don't even know why he likes me."
Tonight Wine Guy and I are having a "work night." We both have long term projects we've been talking about tackling for months yet never seem to find the time to get started. So we came up with the idea (independently but freakishly at the same time - a good sign methinks) to spend an evening working on our projects, separately but together. So here we are, hanging out at his place, sipping wine while each sitting in separate rooms working. The plan is to work for an hour or two, then meet back up, talk about what we did, bounce ideas off one another, then go back to work. Hopefully it will make us feel slightly accountable to one another and, therefore, less likely to blow things off.
A brief history. In high school I loved the beer can crushing, high-fiving football players (much to Wine Guy's disgust) who seemed far more interested in football than me. In college I moved away from the meatheads and towards the potheads. These relationships consisted of sagging couches, bad TV, the munchies, and awkward kissing interrupted by laughter. These guys were basically like brick walls in the relationship. Whatever I threw at them just bounced right off and back at me.
I would like a nice (very small) surprise on my Birthday. I don't think birthdays are for expensive gifts, but really, for surprising someone with love.
I would get mad, too.
Does he want you to write down: "a nice romantic dinner at a nice restaurant would be great. Please hold hands during dinner and kiss. Afterwards, you can give me my present and we can go home for the rest of the romantic program."
I won't bore you with the sappy stuff again (mostly because you can read it all by reviewing my January/February 2008 entries), but I will summarize by saying that I went in to the hospital convinced that Wine Guy would get tired of dealing with my pain and dump me, and came out of the experience 8 weeks later even more in love with him and an agreement that we would move in together sometime in the next few months. I just hope that our next relationship growth spurt will be caused by something that doesn't hurt as much. Like a puppy.
Nonetheless, I can't really decide how I feel about their decision to move so fast into cohabitation. But what the f*ck does it matter what I think about it anyway!? They are both incredibly nice people who want the same thing at the same time - a serious relationship quickly leading to marriage, family etc. I say, praise a miracle when you see one. Hallelujah!
And then there's me and Wine Guy. We were chugging along at a pretty acceptable medium speed for the first 8 months of our relationship (I should know since I marked just about every ). And then, around month 9, something happened that sped up our timeline just enough to take notice. It wasn't a new pet or a preexisting relationship, which explains why it didn't feel quite so shocking.
No, this trigger was more enduring and painful - surgery. The scariness of the event itself, combined with a painful recovery that required from him a great deal of compassion, generosity of his time and spirit, and plenty of quality time with my mother. If that didn't kick a relationship into high gear, I don't know what would.
very tricky. the whole thing is egg shells, kid gloves, houses of cards, glass houses, you name it.
BUT! you're doing very well so far. if only everyone could bring a dog to these outings, you could all focus on how the dogs were getting along...instead, being californians, you bring bottles of wine...
anyway, this looks to me like a situation that is slowly, gradually, stabilizing. in five years, with luck, you'll be doing these outings with babies.
Haha it's never easy to ask these questions, my first question took the longest though, and i lasted for days i tell you, not only hours, there were moments of frustrations and moments i felt like giving up (almost did once), but at the end of it when we finally got our long term goals planned out, everything felt absolutely brilliant (:
.At first its so loving ,right? Then they break it down to you as if you were the one who made it possible for him to cheat on you ? Not at all. Have you ever had your man around your girlfriends and you notice that your man and your girlfriend seems to comunicate so nice ? He says he dont like her? Right?Black flag? He wants to argue with you for no reason at all then she speaks up for him? What does that really tell you. Did you ever tell him about your past relationships ? Or was he the one who told you that nothing ever happened. Ill tell you she is no friend of yours and there both playing you for a fool. My mom always told me never ever have any of you girlfriends around your man that mean family girlys to .