Should women minimize their accomplishments to make men feel adequate?


Ladies your achievements and accolades are commendable for sure but, most men (who may not be as driven or accomplished, or insecure) will perceive your “success” and “achievements” as the definition of who you are as a person, therefore, feeling “out of your league”. Believe it or not, this interpretation is more common than you might think in the dating arena at ANY age. You are a successful woman for a reason and a large part of your success is absolutely not because you minimized your talents, passion, and education. “Dumb-ing down” is not an option. Besides, why should you? You’re not the one whose uncomfortable with whom you are. Right?


However, there are a few “crafty” approaches that can build “him” up instead of you having to “dumb it down.”

#  1. I call this the “How are you? What do you do?” Defibrillator! 
The most common and most comfortable 2 questions people ask when “socializing” and making small talk are ‘How are you?” and “What do you do?” Well, here’s what I practice and I encourage all of my single clients to practice it as well. I love this! When you’re out at an event/social and someone asks you “How are you?” you should most certainly respond accordingly. However, instead of returning the same question (“How are you?”) try asking them “I’m feeling pretty good about this event. How are you feeling today?” or “I’m doing very well, tell me about something that made you smile today.” People almost never expect this and I haven’t met a person yet who doesn’t love it. It immediately engages them and they take notice of you as an open person. In addition, it also shifts their energy to a positive place because they have to actually think about what did make them smile or how they are feeling in that moment. It’s pretty powerful and received well.


As for the “What do you do?” question, try this; instead of telling someone your title, the definition of your job and responsibilities of your job position etc… sum it up and package it differently. For example, if you are a T.V host for a show that locates runaway kids for their estranged parents. Instead of saying “I’m a T.V. host for blah, blah, blah…” You could say “I’m someone who is very passionate about family and my daily mission is to reconnect families and make them whole again”.

Can you see the difference? It redirects “What do you do?” from it being all about you and your accomplishments to all about the families and truly about the nature of your work.


# 2. So let’s say you often engage in interesting conversations with men, but they soon disappear. Here’s a suggestion; next time you’re having a conversation with a man and there’s some interest, put on your “curiosity hat” and simply ask fun, light-hearted questions about him. For example, “You’re pretty tall. I’m curious to know if you played volleyball in college.”


Hopefully he didn’t but, if he did it’s a great way to know more about him in a fun way.  In other words, make the conversation all about him. This isn’t to be evasive on your part at all but, it is to hi-light him….you know…show him you’re interested. Look at it like this,  while you’re making the conversation entertaining and friendly and not all about business and projects, he will most likely feel relaxed (and so will you) and he will share and ask light-hearted questions of you too, therefore developing rapport with each other.


#3. Body language speaks volumes!

Now, I’m not sure what your body language is like when you’re in a social setting (obviously because I’m not there) but I’m willing to bet that you’re pretty astute and more so professional than relaxed. It’s perfectly fine when the environment calls for it. Often times, people in general are not aware of what sort of vibe their body language exudes. Standing straight up, shoulders square and strong eye contact can come across closed and “strictly business” and often intimidating or a deterrent to most men, especially if he’s trying to make a connection with you. Again, I’m not saying this is you but, I am suggesting to perhaps being a bit more aware of your body language when you interact with men of interest. A relaxed and “open for conversation” demeanor with a few timely smiles and batting your eyelashes can certainly make a subtle, welcoming and professional impression on a man.


#4. Believe it or not, and this is a huge one!!

The next time you find yourself engaged in a conversation with a man you find attractive or interesting and you know you don’t want him to pull the “Disappearing Acts” try paying him a compliment. Perhaps it’s his suit or shoes or his tie, just pay him a (genuine) compliment and I assure you he’ll be hooked from the gate to share and receive casual conversation with you. The odds of him disappearing sharply diminish and the exchange of contact information takes place and daily conversations begin. Contrary to popular belief guys like compliments very much. It’ let’s him know that you are paying attention to him and it’s not all about you.


Integrate a couple of these “crafty” approaches into you your repertoire and I’m pretty confident you’ll see things shift in your favor when participating in the dating arena.


Photo by Kaci Baum on Unsplash

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