Dressing up in a costume for Halloween may seem juvenile, but as grown-ups it's a once in a year chance for grown-ups to live out our fantasies.


Perhaps that's why men tend to go for the strong, powerful and invincible get-ups such as their favorite superheroes, while most women get all sexed out in tiny school girl, nurse or hot stuff devil ensembles. Whether you dress up or don't, we all have significant fears about stepping out of character or our comfort zones.


As singles, one of the biggest fears we face is doing things on our own. It can be as basic as dining out alone or as tough as relocating to a new city. Ironically, doing so is often the only way to get the "more" we want out of life.It was during a radio interview several months ago with Gayle King when it dawned on me that that real or irrational, the fears that keep us from embracing our independence have often been ingrained in our minds since we were young enough to trick or treat. To this day our on-air exchange still reverberates in my mind, and for those of you who did not tune in here is how it played out:

Ms. King: So you believe it's ok to go to dinner and a movie all alone?

Me: It's my favorite thing to do

Ms. King: Stop it! I absolutely refuse to believe that. I feel so self-conscious walking into a restaurant. I mean maybe I could go to a diner because you don't end up feeling like such a loser - Would you go to a fancy restaurant to dinner by yourself?

Me: Dinner alone is a great thing. When you're by yourself, everyone is going to talk to you. People are intrigued by people who are by themselves. 

So why do some people travel the world by themselves when others cringe at the thought of going to the movies alone? It all comes down to 3 primary fears: fear of failure, fear of being judged or fear not being accepted. 

You can choose to ignore or give into your fears, but those that do live their lives playing a waiting game. And if you fill in the blanks in the statement below, you may quickly discover that you are a voluntary participant:

If only I had ______ (more money, a mate, a different job), I would _____ (travel, buy a home, start my own business.) 

The only way to get over your fears is by facing them. This requires courage and risk, but win, lose or fail it creates opportunities, fosters learning and boosts self-confidence. So why not spend some time this Halloween identifying your fears followed by a plan and pledge for how you are going to resolve them? It may be a scary proposition, but isn't that what the holiday is all about? And while you're at it, throw on a costume and go to a party!

This article was originally published on Loveawake.com blog.

Reprinted with permission from the author.

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