FROM 2010 WETIN DE – 2


Edwin Eriata Oribhabor

The “batul” of "hu bi Oga” and “hu no go bi Oga” has been the bane of so many homes/marriages across the land. Painfully, some parents cannot hide “dia agro”(disagreement) from their children. The danger in this is that, these children are most likely going to be aggressive instead of being courteous. Fo eni family wie papa an mama de olwes quarrel, it’s difficult not to find one of the children behaving like them. Once this occurs, such a child usually get embarrassed because pipol go de ask; yu sho se yu kom from dat gbagbati famili? From the onset, such homes breed children who negatively divide their loyalties between the mother and the father. As this untidy situation thickens, the division in the home becomes “kompaund an poblik” knowledge. Marriage no bi bai fos.

For as long as a man and a woman have agreed to come together as husband and wife, the best thing to do is to continuously work for the sustenance of the union. Ah no se som marej get as e bi bot wen yu hie anoda man tori yu go no yu de enjoi! Yu go no se kaki no bi leda.

For the much desired happiness in any home, parents should begin to look out for some of the good ways of our “pales an males” and
blend them with some of the good attributes of today’s family homes and “si hau tins go de wok”. Once you begin to bank on the many books you have read, believing that they are the key that
will see you through your marriage, “yu go sholi land fo wahala”. “Mills and Boon no bi fo os. No bi awa stail. Marej na pratikal”. Have you ever bothered about the way “awa papa an awa mama
de manej
plenti waif ? Na wit opun bele we oyibo de kol (sincerity) of purpose.

No doubt, the marriage institution is largely strengthened by the many good aspects of our culture and traditions. I know “sombodi go se” which culture? The only thing I will say to such a person, is “shain yo ai ! Odawaiz, monki go go maket, e no go riton”.

Parents, alongside faith groups and the like, should continuously lend their weight in support of the marriage institution. Stories of marriages that worked under extreme conditions should be routinely told to new couples. While growing up, some of us were
lucky to have witnessed blissful marriages and to be specific how our mothers
sacrificed so much to keep their marriages. This is not to say our fathers were
not equally committed but “wi sabi men an
ol dia wahala
”. Women would laugh out loud here. “normal"">Wumen una de trai”.

Although debatable, and not handy with any form of research/statistics on the subject matter, more
marriages genuinely worked in those days in comparison to now. The reasons are
not far-fetched:

Love was not money-based. (no moni fo han bak fo graund)

The culture and traditions of our peoples in respect of the issue under reference were highly respected. (hu

bon yu mek yu ple ewe).

Father and mother-in-laws sincerely played their roles to the couple (awa papa an mama laik granpikin.

No bi moni).

The husband as the head of the house was never in contention and the marriage institution was held in high esteem.

For a moment, let’s look at the above mentioned points. Money as we hear and as truly justified by different life experiences, is the root of all evils. Just as girls/ladies are into “fastin an preya” every day to “kash beta man”, men are also learning how to “get wuman we go de spend fo dem”. That women openly celebrate whenever “dem
kash beta pesin
” goes to show that there’s more to it than meets the eye. What qualifies the man to be addressed as “beta pesin”, or “nais man” is not just a function of his moral integrity/standing or ability to “pafom”, but “di “pepe levul” (financial wherewithal). As it is, “pepe de hot laik faya” and its capacity to “kontrol” the wife and the entire home is not in doubt. All the same, we really need to “shain awa ai bikos wetin de swit de kil”. With your money, you could travel round the world, as you take trips to different touristic destinations but if you don’t appreciate that “moni no bi evritin”, then you will surely be in trouble someday. Shortly.

Last week, I was opportune to play the host/counsellor at a “hang-aut” session to a lady whom I was meeting for the first time. In a no-holds-barred fashion, she “daunloded” stories from
her “no go erias” keeping me spell bound for hours. Currently, she is into a relationship with an “Aristo” who "spoil” her as if “tumoro no
”. These were actually her words. She said in all sincerity that she was conscious of the fact that she was playing “wit faya”, but doesn’t really know how to “tie pepa” (end the relationship with the man). In my candid and straight-forward nature, I advised her to immediately “du di rait tin”- review the relationship. I advised that she shouldn’t just kot off gbam bikos e no go izi laik dat”. I asked her to immediately discuss with her “gai” so as to arrive at an agreed “tie pepa taim tebul”. For the programme to work, both of them must religiously implement by abiding by it. I concluded by saying that, even if no one was on hand to "tek ova” as the “aut goin Aristo” “de pak im kaya”, she should never look back. Finally, and very
importantly, I urged her to “boro leg” whenever any new “Aristo” comes calling either “bai pinpon, popon pin” or “bai normal""legediz benz - yo fes luk familia staile ”. This is very important because “na to stat na im iz , to end am na elele.”

All my life, I had never met someone like the lady under reference especially for the way and manner she confided in me. In reciprocation therefore, I also shared some of my personal life experiences with her. Our conclusion was that money was the
reason for her year-long serious relationship with a man we shi no go mari. Man we no go get eni turai ples fo am fo fusho. This, she wholly acknowledged. In her frank style, she rhetorically said “na wa o!. Laik ple, laik ple e don de rich won ye wen mi an mai gai de cruz o! (i.e. what a suprise! How time flies, I and my man friend would be clocking one year of our relationship). I complimented; by saying “na kudi, na ego, na pepe de tok”. And she laughed and finalised; “oga, ah beg na ol join jare”.

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