Just this week when I was in Kampala,my phone rang at abt 1:30 AM- that should be around 11:30 PM Nigerian time-and that was my Ex...now married calling. If not for my regards for the caller, I couldn't have picked the call,at least, not in the dead of the cold nite when I was enjoying my sleep. Oh my God, I hate to hear her cry,perhaps,bcos of the intimate love that existed btw us for 4yrs-and she's now married for 4yrs also but against her wish- while in the campus. "I suspected my husband and he confessed to adultery and always,he's so tired on bed with me and depriving me of my rightful sexual satisfaction. He has broken my heart and trust I have and was managing to build up all these years. And now, to me,he sucks. I'm going to seek my fun elsewhere,now I'm ready to call it a quit,even after having this two kid for him. My parents have really destroyed my life. I'm feeling like ending my life." It then occurred to me that the issue is more serious than she has reported it,and that I have to be cautious with my words to prevent any possible suicide that night. With my sleepy eyes,I struggled to reply with these words: 'It's ok,stop crying. And pls don't try what u have just said. Forgive him,he may not try that again'. What disturbs me that really made me to bring this matter forward for deliberation was what she requested of me. She asked if I still luv her. I said yes,that I have always loved her. She said is it ever possible on earth for us to be together again. I said there's nothing impossible for God to do, that if it is God's will nothing can stop us. "Whenever u come back home I wil come and see u",I answered 'ok'. For sure,I will never have anything to do with her but how do I now handle the situation?

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Mavos, please you and this woman who dumped each other when you were dating? My advice is that you should try as much as possible to reconcile this couple if you also know the husband.But never allow this woman use you as her emotional drug.Are you still single or marryed? Answering these questions will really help in people advicing you.Thanks.

You have already devised your escape route.  You still love her must always be your answer and everything has to wait until you come back.  And as your rightly stated, don't ever let her know when you are in town.  Advise her further to try to build her marriage because the step she wants to take now is destructive.  Let her have a heart-to-heart talk with the husband and with prayers, she will win her husband back.
Difficult one! First,She was your ex girlfriend,going close to her might mean sleeping with her,Never help any marriage to break.Try and advice her from a distance,a mother of 2 children might not be ideal wife for u.Though i must add,''with God all things are possible'' Don't give her the impression that you are coming back for her,that will make her leave her husband quickly.Leave them to sort out their differences.But,I must say this; Should that woman decide on her own and leave her husband,Then..I'll stop there....
@Ndu. Then what...? Pls finish up. I need more insight.
Let me draw a background picture: We dated for 4yrs in the University but towards our graduation c** NYSC period,a wealthy man came around and perching around and under the influence of her parents who were bent on seeing that their only graduate daughter gets married to the rich man from their tribe than a poor fresh graduate that I was then. Their persecution was too much and was assuming a dangerous end that I urged her to secummb,at least, to save her live,and the wealthy man could just waste me like a fowl then without any trace. It wasn't my fault-and her fault-that I quited. But things,they say, changes so quickly under the twinkling eyes of the time. If it were to be now,I could have saved my love and quench any influence. Well,that was in the past. And, can I now blame myself, that I was such poor then and unable to save her? If at all I have any blame,she has to forgive me,if she don't,God wil,bcos I tried my best, thou my best wasn't enough,and if I had wanted to make it enough then, I-or she herself or both of us- could have been either in heaven or hell to continue our journey of love.
I know how far she can go with her words-esp now that the husband has committed adultery-and how much she loves me. Now I want to avoid 3 situations here. 1)hurting herself 2)abandoning her husband, and most importantly 3)my having anything to do with a married woman and mother of 2,even if we had dated for 4yrs and our love was so intimate.

chris Ndu said:
Difficult one! First,She was your ex girlfriend,going close to her might mean sleeping with her,Never help any marriage to break.Try and advice her from a distance,a mother of 2 children might not be ideal wife for u.Though i must add,''with God all things are possible'' Don't give her the impression that you are coming back for her,that will make her leave her husband quickly.Leave them to sort out their differences.But,I must say this; Should that woman decide on her own and leave her husband,Then..I'll stop there....
Bro,I know how u feel,But there are few things we need to tidy up here,[1]You love this woman,that makes it difficult for u to forget her[2]She already has 2 kids,that makes it a bit hard for u to take her back,[3]The husband knows u as her lover,That makes it risky should u later marry her,[4]a woman with kids that left her husband can change her mind any time for her kids sake.the statement I did not finish there is this;Never say never,It is not a crime for u to marry this woman should she on her own move out of her marriage,but it will be very bad of u to encourage a married woman to leave her marriage no matter how u love her,You should respect her marriage whether she married the wrong man or not.I'll say this,Advice her to stay and sort out her marriage,Should u get a call tonight that she has left her husband,then,you have to be careful,so that you won't be the reason why she left.Then,before you start thinking of anything,Consider the implication of having any thing to do with a divorcee with 2 kids.Consider what will happen should she change her mind in the process and decide to forgive her husband thereby leaving u in the cold.The fire of love between boyfriends and girlfriends sometimes does not translate into good husband and wife.Hope you understand what I mean.Good luck!!!

Mavos said:
@Ndu. Then what...? Pls finish up. I need more insight.
Let me draw a background picture: We dated for 4yrs in the University but towards our graduation c** NYSC period,a wealthy man came around and perching around and under the influence of her parents who were bent on seeing that their only graduate daughter gets married to the rich man from their tribe than a poor fresh graduate that I was then. Their persecution was too much and was assuming a dangerous end that I urged her to secummb,at least, to save her live,and the wealthy man could just waste me like a fowl then without any trace. It wasn't my fault-and her fault-that I quited. But things,they say, changes so quickly under the twinkling eyes of the time. If it were to be now,I could have saved my love and quench any influence. Well,that was in the past. And, can I now blame myself, that I was such poor then and unable to save her? If at all I have any blame,she has to forgive me,if she don't,God wil,bcos I tried my best, thou my best wasn't enough,and if I had wanted to make it enough then, I-or she herself or both of us- could have been either in heaven or hell to continue our journey of love.
I know how far she can go with her words-esp now that the husband has committed adultery-and how much she loves me. Now I want to avoid 3 situations here. 1)hurting herself 2)abandoning her husband, and most importantly 3)my having anything to do with a married woman and mother of 2,even if we had dated for 4yrs and our love was so intimate.

chris Ndu said:
Difficult one! First,She was your ex girlfriend,going close to her might mean sleeping with her,Never help any marriage to break.Try and advice her from a distance,a mother of 2 children might not be ideal wife for u.Though i must add,''with God all things are possible'' Don't give her the impression that you are coming back for her,that will make her leave her husband quickly.Leave them to sort out their differences.But,I must say this; Should that woman decide on her own and leave her husband,Then..I'll stop there....
My marrying her,even with her as a divorcee and with two kids, is completely out of the option table,I can't go back to my vomit. I going to tell her my mind and the truth more frankly. If she does anything stupid,I hope so I will be free b4 God and man. Whatever blame that result should come upon her parents and the adulterous husband,and not me. I wil continue to pray to God to soften her heart to forgive him,and to wipe off in her heart any frustration and thoughts of hurting herself.
Hi Mavos, which part are playing on this issue.., on d 1st comment you say you love her and with idiomatic expressions you say you can't go back to your vomit.., then, i thnk d resolving solution lies on d option you stand on. But if i am permitted to " i wil say if u search your heart and conclude you love her well, then go for her. 4get what we thnk here on earth 'GOD admires what we desire with a pure heart.
Lyna,our love for each other was great,and that could explain my level of concern and worries. But u don't follow a dead loved one to the grave no matter how much u love him/her? Do u? If I should in any way entangle myself in this whole qualms-and considering its precarious nature-do u think it will be reasonable of me? I don't think I will be selfish on this issue if I should say that I also deserve to marry my own woman afresh,by 1st intention and not by default.

Lyna pau Opara said:
Hi Mavos, which part are playing on this issue.., on d 1st comment you say you love her and with idiomatic expressions you say you can't go back to your vomit.., then, i thnk d resolving solution lies on d option you stand on. But if i am permitted to " i wil say if u search your heart and conclude you love her well, then go for her. 4get what we thnk here on earth 'GOD admires what we desire with a pure heart.
Hi Mavos, which part are playing on this issue.., on d 1st comment you say you love her and with idiomatic expressions you say you can't go back to your vomit.., then, i thnk d resolving solution lies on d option you stand on. But if i am permitted to " i wil say if u search your heart and conclude you love her well, then go for her. 4get what we thnk here on earth 'GOD admires what we desire with a pure heart.
Hi Mavos, which part are playing on this issue.., on d 1st comment you say you love her and with idiomatic expressions you say you can't go back to your vomit.., then, i thnk d resolving solution lies on d option you stand on. But if i am permitted to " i wil say if u search your heart and conclude you love her well, then go for her. 4get what we thnk here on earth 'GOD admires what we desire with a pure heart.
Hi Mavos, which part are playing on this issue.., on d 1st comment you say you love her and with idiomatic expressions you say you can't go back to your vomit.., then, i thnk d resolving solution lies on d option you stand on. But if i am permitted to " i wil say if u search your heart and conclude you love her well, then go for her. 4get what we thnk here on earth 'GOD admires what we desire with a pure heart.
Hi Mavos, which part are playing on this issue.., on d 1st comment you say you love her and with idiomatic expressions you say you can't go back to your vomit.., then, i thnk d resolving solution lies on d option you stand on. But if i am permitted to " i wil say if u search your heart and conclude you love her well, then go for her. 4get what we thnk here on earth 'GOD admires what we desire with a pure heart.

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