So if family feuds are hard on the ones holding the grudges, how is it on those against whom the grudges are felt? And frankly, sometimes you have to get away from toxic family members...then what? That's when I think its time to get help from a life coach.
And how can you guarantee you meet and keep a good partner for you? Maybe those men who did so well were simply the lucky ones? The ones who met the right person/people, the ones less damaged by early childhood traumas, the ones more open to others because for them it had been rewarding. This is descriptive, not prescriptive. We all keep good relationships if we can, don't we? We all accept good ones if we can find them, right?
This is such a toxic message for those who are forced into isolation by various factors to which they are not contributing. My life coach taught me that just because you love people, doesn't mean they are going to love you and various factors can increase your chances of being a social reject and they aren't necessarily the ones you think would be obvious.
So what about the other possible causalities? It might be easier to have those relationships if someone is happy. It may be easier to be healthy in a relationship if someone is healthy. It may be easier to get over problems with your partner if you can remember the better aspects of your problems or partner. Relational living may be an expression of happiness. What amount of the assumptions made are correlation and not causation?
Nothing surprising about relationships being good for us, but the fundamental question remains the same: how to feel noticed in this world? Loneliness not just a slow killer - it is also a big factor in the current huge rates of male suicide. Women just don't get pushed to the margins (or the streets) to the same degree that men do, yet we are still not ready to start talking about men's stuff.
Investing in family and friends is not supported by our competitive superficial materialistic western life model. I struggle with love for people close to me (wife, kids, parents, brother) I often feel misunderstood and rejected like a I don't belong their, like I am weird. I work at this place where elderly people live in a community building and get a chance to talk daily to them and very few are happy and most are unhealthy physically. Loneliness and physical suffering is making them wish to die. These experiences with these people make me rethink my own life and certainly this speech made me think even harder about my life and especially my choices. I would describe myself more of a self centered person. Until know I often abandoned relationships with friends or didn't invest in them anymore. I am wondering how to proceed. only sharing my personal experience.
Back then the norm was the male was head of the family household, provider of house and home protector and provider. The females were in charge of keeping the household running smooth raising and rearing the children and roles were well defined accepted and everyone had a role in life and did the best they could in performing the role. Actors acted and carpenters built and newscasters reported the news singers sang. Dads and moms had their specific roles and the kids did too like house chores doing well in school doing the right thing and believing in God loving our country and doing their best to grow up to be good citizens.
When everything else falls into place the kids grow up realizing that the values they learned and hard work enabled them to choose the right path and grow up to surpass their parents. And rinse and repeat for the next generation. And today millions of the silent American majority still hold these truth to be self evident and only in this country can we enjoy life liberty and the pursuit of happiness and still hold our basic virtues true. God bless this country and thank you America for giving people like me a chance.
A happy child becomes happy adult and a miserable child becomes a miserable adult. If you have a loving and supportive family, whatever your relative wealth, you will most likely turn out happy, healthy and well rounded. If you suffer neglect, abuse or violence then it is highly likely you're going to continue experiencing issues in later life. Far more needs to be done to protect children from abject misery so that they stand a chance of prospering and forming healthy relationships.
Good relations make you happy but you don't need them. Being alone on the journey through life is interesting too. One can have a relationship with the universe. The most important is to find peace within yourself.
I do have to say that oftentimes people are not in close relationships, maybe not even by choice. However, what seems to be the MOST important thing that I've seen in life is not necessarily close relationships with other people but having a close relationship with your higher power. In my opinion, the nurtured spirituality of oneself is what can bring them above earthly loneliness and other earthly matters.
You can't control who you meet, and what that relationship is going to be like . I don't think we can choose to find good relationships, it either happens or it doesn't. so it's not really in our hands, it's not really our choice. It's our choice to back out of it, but it's hard to recognize that a relationship is bad sometimes. I like to believe that I only keep my 'good relationships' close by me, but I find it so hard to tell sometimes. And even if I decided that all of my relationships were harming me, I can't just say 'ok today I will find good relationships and feel less lonely' It's not up to us who we meet. Great video, and massive respect to this study - it just concerned me because I don't think now that I can 'actively' make my life good, I feel like it depends on other people, which made me feel less empowered.
Healthy relationships are valuable to us personally and professionally...so maybe good to study how to develop those skills and talents early on... (I believe the Sanford Harmony Project is working on this in pre-school and early education settings) ... can we develop successful extroverts? Finding satisfaction in what gives you good sense of achievement and accomplishment are also key and important, right? granted, good people skills and building relationships are also critical...building those skills on how to cooperate and develop synergy on projects with solid peers typically go hand in hand. but let's not marginalize those who can achieve and live and work in a fairly solitary manner. typically writers and researchers and artists live and work in this manner. but even in these situations, i would tend to agree that they must have a good relationship with at least one person in their personal life and one that assists them in their business. (i'm thinking of someone like Ted "Dr Seuss" Geisel ... worked incessantly on his nearly 60 books that he wrote and illustrated in his studio ... shunned the spotlight and hardly ever interviewed. Most people in San Diego had, and have, no idea that he almost all of his books here in his La Jolla home.) But if you are still not sure, get a life coach who can help.