He confuses me
I had a failed relationship.That relationship didnt only give me stress but also made me sick over and over.And worst of it all is that we were planing to get married.I left when i realised that i cant cope with the guy in courtship not to talk of marriage.3 months ago i met another guy.He is my brother's friend and do come around our house.When he asked me out,i told him plainly that i dont need a relationship now but he refused to go away.Instead he started coming too close that i dont even know when i started sharing my problems with him.He supports me and prays for me to get well.And i started falling for him.When i noticed that my feelings are getting real,i bluntly asked him if he has a lady in his life.Actually he told me that there is this lady abroad but the relationship is an open one.But little do i know that it was half truth.Two weeks ago he told me that there is another girl that he is not just dating but they are serious.I decided to leave him for good. Instead of this guy going away,he started feeling bad.I dont have sex with him or stuff like that.I dont do anything special for him too.I was the one who needed someone because i am still recovering.But he is the one who gets hurt because i was pulling away.The last time i asked of his girl friend,he became very sad.He simply behaves as if i am his girl.Everyday i get to love him more but i have not forgotten that he has someone in his life.I tried to beg him to reconnect to his girl,no way.I also tried to annoy him to make him go away but he simply behaves as if i did nothing.Please can anyone out there help me?I am confused.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by OVUSIKE OGBARA on
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my sister, pls. escape for thy life to the hill where the lord will protect you. it means that half truth is never a truth itself. so disappear and let him define the relationship.
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Permalink Reply by Jide Olubiyi on
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Interesting. I can't exactly describe your situation as 'confusion'...You simply are not confused. You have in plain terms described the situation...there's a 'new' guy who obviously is committed to other ladies, and you're confused over him. You should ask yourself what exactly is it that you want. A stable, fruitful relationship with a future;...or a fleeting gratification of your feelings with a high probability of leaving you in the lurch... Have you paused to imagine what this 'new' guy of yours says to the other ladies presently in his life? He has an 'open relationship' with the lady abroad...funny! He's suffering from loneliness and has found you useful to fill in the gap left by the lady abroad...that's what you are to him, a short-term gratification. if that's okay with you then you can go ahead with him. But if not, you should tell him your decision in clear terms. Perhaps you've been telling him no with your mouth, but your body language and actions have been leading him on. You're going to get hurt if you don't do something about it.
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Permalink Reply by Chinyere Miriam Okigbo on
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I know what i want.You know why i said 'confused' is that i have confronted this guy with exactly what you said.He bluntly told me that it is a lie.He said that if i disappear,then i am a big coward.That if i love him i will stand and compete.I have never competed for a man before and i am not ready to do that now.My brother told me that there is nothing wrong with a man widening his choices,after all he is not asking for sex.Well what do i expect,they are friends.
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Hi Chinyere. I understand the angle he is coming from. But you should understand that competition is not part of love. He is appealing to the nobility in you by describing your stepping away from such indecision-gendered proposal as cowardice. But it's good sense on your part. You only fight to save a relationship when it's already yours, like when you're both married.
You should not be pressured into anything. It's not just now that matters, but this character of his will give you so much problem in the future, so you should keep your distance from him.
Chinyere Miriam Okigbo said:I know what i want.You know why i said 'confused' is that i have confronted this guy with exactly what you said.He bluntly told me that it is a lie.He said that if i disappear,then i am a big coward.That if i love him i will stand and compete.I have never competed for a man before and i am not ready to do that now.My brother told me that there is nothing wrong with a man widening his choices,after all he is not asking for sex.Well what do i expect,they are friends.
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Permalink Reply by Okathe Peter on
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Chinyere, Your story sound real but you have already started caving in for this guy despite the fact that he has some other girls in his life, known to you. You may eventually fall a victim of having sex with him without any firm arrangement. You have developed an inner love for him. I advice you to come in real terms with him - marriage or dating. You know what you want. So you can't be confused. You should not be too desperate or else you will get what you don't want. Be careful.
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Permalink Reply by Brown P on
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We are all here to help each other grow, nobody is perfect and I do not believe that there is any single person that knows it all. So you see why I sometimes tend to agree to the notion that ladies do not know what they want, please don't take this as an insult or anything of that kind but when you know the situation of the this guys relationship status you are still falling for him and hoping that the problems and confusion created by the ladies in his life might go away. I don't really believe that Love is and should be blind, but anyone will do the same who finds him or herself emotionally disturbed from a broken relationship, its only natural to cling to the nearest support. You however have to come to terms with the situation and braze yourself for any problems that will come up if you decide to go on with this guy, and remember that we all have to live with the decisions we make in our lives. The question now is how do you get the support you need to see you through this trying times, assuming you have decided to let the guy go. The only solution I can offer is that you can find the strength and emotional support you need inside of yourself(Easier said than done hmn? am in the same situation with the problem I talked about am still looking for a way to reach inside of me and pull out the strength and support that I need)
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Permalink Reply by Busuyi O on
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Chinyere, i just have to repeat what some of the blogger have said, "you dont know what you want". No intent insult please, im just relating, so pardon me if i insult you. This guy is smooth. The way you have already fallen for him is just the same way other ladies have. He knows it and he is in charge of your decision, and all he needs is just a little push and you will open up your treasure jar. You might be lucky because of your brother, whom i guess is your intercessor and protector from this smooth talker lion-man. Any man in "love" dont keep an open relationship(s). Having multiple girlfriends only shows that he is not ready for commitment. Having "many" means he doesnt care if you stay or go and nothing you do or say bothers him because you occupy no space in his brain or heart. Lets cut the sermon short, if you really "like" this guy ask your brother (who knows him) what his friend want. Thats one way to know what he is made of. All you need after your break up is a comforter who this guy is doing for you and im afraid you dont love him. You have loved the way he sympathizes with you and his readiness to be there for you whenever you want to talk. Its an easy "job" to do, and many guys will tell you that that is the easiest way to get into a woman's brain, turn her to friend-with-benefits. Please, you dont love this guy and i want you to get that into your inner self. He doesnt love you either, maybe just yet. It takes a long time to develop LOVE. My opinion is that love is not a sudden effect, it doesnt come as a speed of light rather it develops gradually, grow like a seed, pass through nursery and all that...the result is what we called Love after it shows to the public. You will know his real reaction when he sees you with another guy.
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Busuyi think i wasnt looking for where to cry to.And i am one of those who believe that love is developed,tested and proven not just a feeling.That why i used the word 'falling everyday'.Of course i never met this guy and jump ahead to tell him of my past ok.So he is not my comforting shoulder.God is.
Busuyi O said:Chinyere, i just have to repeat what some of the blogger have said, "you dont know what you want". No intent insult please, im just relating, so pardon me if i insult you. This guy is smooth. The way you have already fallen for him is just the same way other ladies have. He knows it and he is in charge of your decision, and all he needs is just a little push and you will open up your treasure jar. You might be lucky because of your brother, whom i guess is your intercessor and protector from this smooth talker lion-man. Any man in "love" dont keep an open relationship(s). Having multiple girlfriends only shows that he is not ready for commitment. Having "many" means he doesnt care if you stay or go and nothing you do or say bothers him because you occupy no space in his brain or heart. Lets cut the sermon short, if you really "like" this guy ask your brother (who knows him) what his friend want. Thats one way to know what he is made of. All you need after your break up is a comforter who this guy is doing for you and im afraid you dont love him. You have loved the way he sympathizes with you and his readiness to be there for you whenever you want to talk. Its an easy "job" to do, and many guys will tell you that that is the easiest way to get into a woman's brain, turn her to friend-with-benefits. Please, you dont love this guy and i want you to get that into your inner self. He doesnt love you either, maybe just yet. It takes a long time to develop LOVE. My opinion is that love is not a sudden effect, it doesnt come as a speed of light rather it develops gradually, grow like a seed, pass through nursery and all that...the result is what we called Love after it shows to the public. You will know his real reaction when he sees you with another guy.
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Thanks guys for the support.Well i am not a crying baby here and my heart was never broken by the former guy.I left him when i realised that we cant live together.I was just disappointed.By 'recovering' i mean i was sick and needed support.I think Brown have said it all.The power i need is in me.And u guys have given me the courage to explore it.And guess wat? I am using it already because i know that guy must hate me now.I have pushed him to the walls.Only the truth can set us free.Thanks friends.You guys are simply the best.
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Permalink Reply by Celestine J on
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Thank God for your realisation. Unlike in soccer, there is no fair play award in life .What matters is that you make it and succeed. My advice is for you to go for a guy who will give you emotional security . That is you need because life has no duplicate . Wish you the best.
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