Wrong Reasons for Getting Married – (2) Marrying For Money

This is the second in the series of wrong reasons for getting married that we are discussing. Money is critical to all
development; be they scientific, social and emotional. However, marriage, and I mean marriage
between a man and a woman is a fundamental business to all life’s endeavours. The only wise reasons for marriage that I can
vouch for are companionship and procreation and for me, it should be in that
order. The book of Ecclesiastes in the
Bible state that “Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for
their labour. For if they fall, the one
will lift up his fellow; but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he
hath not another to help him up”.


In modern day scriptures, we learn a new dimension – the eternal destiny of marriage relationships. Even at this
level, the ultimate end is the eternal companionship of a male and a female
with potential to rise to godhood.


It is on these premises that marrying for money is situated as a wrong reason for marrying somebody. Marrying for money is
a major challenge to the joy and peace of a relationship. It is perpetrated by both men and women. You are familiar with phrase “gold digger”
label on some women or men in relationships where one of them is considered
rich and the other poor. Granted that it
is not in all cases that a poor marry a rich that is gold digging situation, however,
many people, men and women at par, have made decisions to marry another person
because he or she is rich.


Experience has shown that this is one of the greatest mistakes a person could make in a relationship.


Some of the challenges we have seen include the fact that riches or a lot of money is transient. There are no guarantees
that the money would remain with the person.
There is a saying that “a fool and his money are easily parted”. If the one you married for his or her money
is a fool, and since it is his or her money that brought you to the
relationship, it then means that you could be out there a widow or widower with
a living spouse before you could settle down in the marriage.


In other situations, gold diggers are easily noted and the gold mine usually starts behaving like a goldmine owner.
Remember the sufferings that those who work in gold and diamond or even
coal mines in Zimbabwe, South Africa and Enugu-Nigeria go through. That is exactly what would befall the gold
digger. No matter whatever love that has
been proclaimed in the process of contracting that relationship, it would
always wither away easily and the master-slave relationship would take over.


There are also cases where the two scenarios above do not quite apply. But those in the relationship, especially the one who took the decision, find out, and sooner than later, that the money is
not what he or she really needed. The
money is not able to be a caring man or woman with capacity to take care of the
emotional needs of the one.


The pitiable condition of those who marry someone for this very wrong reason is better imagined than experienced.
Relationship experts and marriage counselors would tell you from their
experiences that the emotional trauma and devastation that follow the
realization that the money and whatever lures it held soon become a phantom in
a painful imagination.


What is the way to go?


Here is the way to go. Instead of focusing on money, those planning to get married should focus on what matters most – the purpose of marriage – companionship and
procreation. Remember the good Lord
Himself said of Adam in the scriptures: “it is not good for man to be alone” (Genesis
2:18), hence He made Eve to keep him company.
Do not forget also that the same Creator gave them a commandment to
“multiply and replenish the earth” (Genesis 1:28). This is the creator’s
approval for sexual intimacy in marriage relationship with the intents and
purposes clearly spelt out, though.
Latter-day prophets have clearly stated that “sex between a man and a
woman in a legal and lawful marriage is ordained of God”. There are the foundational elements that must
be established before continuing in the plan for marriage with someone. These include friendship, mutual respect,
honour, virtue, integrity, love, etc. Both parties ought to know and understand
this fully. This knowledge and
understanding would bear relationships as the foundation of a building bears
it. Marrying for any other reason is
like standing the building on its roof.

Francis Nmeribe is a Relationship Expert and Coach. nmeribefrancis@gmail.com

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Comment by Francis Nmeribe on May 4, 2010 at 5:15pm
You are right. If your focus is on anything other than the foundational elements, then it must necessarily fail. The foundational elements are (1) seek to be friends with the person (2) Seek, see, and work for mutual respect - if you respect him and he doesn't respect you, it is shaky. Just as the key word said "mutual". (3) Faith in God - God is the author of the marriage institution. It is difficult to stand unless the partners are able to have recourse to prayers to God either together or personally over their marriage challenges. There is a new dimension to marriage which can help - the eternal dimension of marriage. This is a good place for couples to look up to to help them overcome the immediate challenges. (4) Trust - this is both as it relates to sexual fidelity and in each other's judgment. Other elements include love, understanding, independence - no extended family encumbrances, virtue, etc. All these are to be established during the dating and courtship period before a marriage decision is made. I boldly state that if a dating and courtship is carried out without any sexual intercourse, both parties would find out early if the relationship would work as they developed these foundational elements or see them in each other. I also state that an ounce of premarital sex would so delude the two people and they would make their decisions without sound judgment and their marriage would be the "eye opener" in the saying that 'love is blind'.

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