This is the second in the series of wrong reasons for getting married that we are
discussing. Money is critical to all
development; be they scientific, social and emotional. However, marriage, and I mean marriage
between a man and a woman is a fundamental business to all life’s endeavours. The only wise reasons for marriage that I can
vouch for are companionship and procreation and for me, it should be in that
order. The book of Ecclesiastes in the
Bible state that “Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for
their labour. For if they fall, the one
will lift up his fellow; but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he
hath not another to help him up”.
In modern day scriptures, we learn a new dimension – the eternal destiny of
marriage relationships. Even at this
level, the ultimate end is the eternal companionship of a male and a female
with potential to rise to godhood.
It is on these premises that marrying for money is situated as a wrong reason for
marrying somebody. Marrying for money is
a major challenge to the joy and peace of a relationship. It is perpetrated by both men and women. You are familiar with phrase “gold digger”
label on some women or men in relationships where one of them is considered
rich and the other poor. Granted that it
is not in all cases that a poor marry a rich that is gold digging situation, however,
many people, men and women at par, have made decisions to marry another person
because he or she is rich.
Experience has shown that this is one of the greatest mistakes a person could make in a relationship.
Some of the challenges we have seen include the fact that riches or a lot of money
is transient. There are no guarantees
that the money would remain with the person.
There is a saying that “a fool and his money are easily parted”. If the one you married for his or her money
is a fool, and since it is his or her money that brought you to the
relationship, it then means that you could be out there a widow or widower with
a living spouse before you could settle down in the marriage.
In other situations, gold diggers are easily noted and the gold mine usually
starts behaving like a goldmine owner.
Remember the sufferings that those who work in gold and diamond or even
coal mines in Zimbabwe, South Africa and Enugu-Nigeria go through. That is exactly what would befall the gold
digger. No matter whatever love that has
been proclaimed in the process of contracting that relationship, it would
always wither away easily and the master-slave relationship would take over.
There are also cases where the two scenarios above do not quite apply. But those in the relationship, especially the
one who took the decision, find out, and sooner than later, that the money is
not what he or she really needed. The
money is not able to be a caring man or woman with capacity to take care of the
emotional needs of the one.
The pitiable condition of those who marry someone for this very wrong reason is
better imagined than experienced.
Relationship experts and marriage counselors would tell you from their
experiences that the emotional trauma and devastation that follow the
realization that the money and whatever lures it held soon become a phantom in
a painful imagination.
What is the way to go?
Here is the way to go. Instead of focusing on money, those planning to get married
should focus on what matters most – the purpose of marriage – companionship and
procreation. Remember the good Lord
Himself said of Adam in the scriptures: “it is not good for man to be alone” (Genesis
2:18), hence He made Eve to keep him company.
Do not forget also that the same Creator gave them a commandment to
“multiply and replenish the earth” (Genesis 1:28). This is the creator’s
approval for sexual intimacy in marriage relationship with the intents and
purposes clearly spelt out, though.
Latter-day prophets have clearly stated that “sex between a man and a
woman in a legal and lawful marriage is ordained of God”. There are the foundational elements that must
be established before continuing in the plan for marriage with someone. These include friendship, mutual respect,
honour, virtue, integrity, love, etc. Both parties ought to know and understand
this fully. This knowledge and
understanding would bear relationships as the foundation of a building bears
it. Marrying for any other reason is
like standing the building on its roof.
Francis Nmeribe is a Relationship Expert and Coach. email@example.com