FROM 2010 WETIN DE ? – 3
Edwin Eriata Oribhabor
For as long as the issue of unstable and broken marriages remain at the centre stage of national discuss, there’s an overriding need for all of us to
keep improving on efforts at ensuring that marriages work "ontil wi kpai (until death do us part). Irrespective of where you are right now, just think for a moment of the number of relationships (you know of) that had crashed bikos "pepe no de laik dat. Then, as a man, the first thing that takes the better part of your mind would be how to work and pray "to mek sho se tins balans fo yo said, mek kudi res. You can’t imagine as a man playing “yes ma” to
the wife we yu yuz yo moni mari. Haba! Especially, "wen yu sabi se di pawa we moni kari na baba".
Each time the strategic position of money in everything is mentioned, I usually ponder over the following questions; how much of money will be sufficient for any one? Should one acquire so much money to be able to take and keep a woman as wife? Is money the only magic required for the sustenance of any marriage? Please join me in pondering over these knotty issues, as we share the following:
Recently, some close friends to a couple of over ten years in marriage met to "put hed togeda over an un-ending"agro" (quarrel) that was heating up between their friend and his wife. It was a family meeting of some sort. Trying to make them see reason why they should remain as one na elele. The couple in question de liv wel an dem de chop laif no bi smol. Both husband
and wife have a car each to themselves aside from "di machin we dem de yuz fo wikend joli joli. With God’s complete blessing of three kids and a house of their own "to mash", someone would be tempted to ask, "wetin go de kos agro fo dem
haus? (What on earth would cause a quarrel/disagreement between them)? For the wife, she repeatedly said that she had done a lot in “managing” to keep the marriage going. Available “amebo rekod” says the man was
responsible for the wife’s educational training through her OND and HND programmes in one of the polytechnics before they got married. Intimate family friends also asserted that the husband falls within the usually few"koret pipol who have notin laik rons fo dia dishonari. As a reserved gentleman with a captivating physique, he is a delight every woman would jump at. (Na man we eni wuman go won dai fo). While the meeting lasted, the husband kept muttering; “mek una tok to am fo mi. Mek una helep mi
beg am”. On the other hand, the woman repeatedly said "mek una ask am weda ah neva trai?”.
The meeting which was at the instance of the husband, was very very "tait. His supposed close friends couldn’t "dikod wetin bi “manej”an “trai” as postulated by his wife. What then was the "koko of di mata", one of the man’s friends asked rhetorically? In an unsolicited response, the man (husband) responded "yes ma”. Why “yes ma”? Not even an answer to the question asked. Every one present looked at each other in speechless confusion. The husband, who was completely oblivious of the “olmaiti mistek” he had made, repeatedly called his friends to beg his wife to be understanding for the sake of their children. Understand what? None could utter this sensitive question. Suddenly, tears rolled down the cheeks of the man as he ruminated over the glaring reality in the fact that his marriage was heading for a collapse. His friends sensed that there were so meni no go erias the couple wouldn’t speak about. The wife wouldn’t mention any of them and the husband would apparently break down if a mention was made of the true situation of things. The meeting ended laikdat without reaching at any concrete resolution.
Di mata neva finish. Tori stil de: The centre couldn’t hold and the marriage packed up after a kwayet tie pepa taim tebul we oga an im waif agri to folo.
Somehow, the wife had secretly revealed her husband’s deficiency to few persons including her former housemaid who had lived with them since after they had their first child who recently turned nine years. This incident corresponded with the rounding off her OND programme in one of the polytechnics. Full of compassion fo Oga and his children she eventually became Oga waif. Tori plenti!
Completely aware of di problem of Oga, the housemaid-
turned-madam, took it as a challenge to fix him. Immediately after their traditional marriage ceremony, she travelled back home to see her parents. As you read these lines, dem se oga don chenj. Dem se, dem se... However, the sweet news is that, the new madam/(waif) now has two kids and living happily wit Oga.
The typical traditional African culture wouldn’t frown or place restrictions on the number of women a man should marry. Assuming Oga had three or four wives, would all of them have deserted him jos bikos e get as e bi? . There’s no doubting the fact that each of the wives would have been competing to give him the best in different available herbal delicacies to keep him in tune and shape for eni akshon. But because Oga de du kristien, e no ivun fit kara won (couldn’t take an additional wife for religious reasons). Assuming he was led into an early grave by the departure of the very first wife?
The following are my sincere comments to my fellow men are:
AlAlways look before you leap. (shain yo ai bifo yu enta marej).
OOur culture is not against pregnancy normal bifo marej but as a man, never you deny the existence of any relationship you had course to have entered into. Especially if it led to pregnancy/child birth. (bot chek wel wel).
Take time to study whether your proposed wife would be able to play the role of a true wife. (rememba se waif difren from gel frend).
foThese days, we have too many girls who take alcoholic drinks and sometimes in competition with their male folks. Most beer- drinking girls are already looking pregnant before their first pregnancy. Imagine how your would-be wife would be looking like afta e don drop won. To tek won, tek tu no bad, bot wen e de sho fo im bele, e beta mek manpikin gba brek.
This story is a demonstration of the strategic importance of money in all of our affairs viz a viz its limitations in a home. Take time to go all over it again.