Nigerian men are both unemotional and unromantic.
Is that so?
I had a discussion with a friend recently on writing romance set in Nigeria and she believes it is highly unrealistic. I thought it was because of the western/African dichotomy in romance where a few people I met during my readings mentioned that most Nigerians find it hard to say I love you and would rarely give flowers and such. Now that I understand, even though I think even the gap is lessening as more and more imbibe the foreign gestures through movies, books, education abroad, dating other races, etc.
But where exactly does it come from this "Nigerian men are unemotional?" Is it from the culture and upbringing or what? Does being unemotional mean they feel nothing for the women they're with or they hide it and prefer not to voice it out? Also we should be bear in mind that emotions are not just about love and affection, anger is also an emotion. How come our men are comfortable showing that side of them to the extent of Domestic Violence but find it hard to be more sensitive when it comes to relationships? Some male reviewers of A Heart to Mend have found Edward too emotional and soft, hear one..
...I do wonder why a tough-minded Edward, who had the world at his feet, was sort of soft. It was easy for any tough-minded man like Edward to say, ‘I love you’ even if it was a lie, just to establish a one night affair with any lady. It was easy for a tough-minded man like Edward to relieve himself with prostitutes … But Whitman stigmatized her Edward with a weakness which was rare. Whitman’s tough-minded Edward couldn’t double-date neither could he raise a voice against Gladys.
So is that our idea of Nigerian men; brutish, unfaithful and harsh to their women?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Mavos on
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Men naturally responds to a woman's romantic expressions and display. In Africa, women are grossly lacking when it comes to romance-either due to culture or pretense-and sometimes,men have to dig into their hearts to get some romance that are often inadequate. Few cultures that tries to see women being romantic the society denounces and term promiscuity. Often love is perceived by majority of the women as something you must give out in exchange for something-not unconditional-and most men see this as selfishness, and this affect their naturally sound emotions negatively.
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Permalink Reply by Myne Whitman on
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That is a very perceptive answer Mavos, very deep and thoughtful. Thanks for showing me this angle to it.
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Permalink Reply by Mcky-Dageniuze on
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The word romance is perceptual, it depends on hw u view romance tha determines the equation of wether Nigerian men ar romantic or nt. Idealogically, the african man is emotional bt lacks the right motivation to express the romantic aspect of his emotions, for example anger as an emotional expression cn b triggered easily especially wen temperance is nt controlled bt romance as an expression of emotion is hardly triggered as often as hate, or anger....the african lady needs to learn hw to enhance the opposite sex's romantic wing to enabl them express romance by creating an enabling environment, and understanding environmental differences nd cultural diversity(from the western culture) to understand hw d Nigerian man expresses his emotions.
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Interesting. I didn't know our men can be so involved, but I appreciate it.
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Permalink Reply by Akhabue on
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Women should assist their men in the serious business of ekeing out a living in a country with dormant factories and high unemployment.
Romance flows naturally in a buoyant economy, where basic infrastructure and amenities are available to most of the population.
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Permalink Reply by AGOR on
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Tell a Nigerian woman you love her without money and see what she would tell you , talkless of giving her a flower instead of cash on her birthday. Romance to me is only possible when people are comfortable not where poverty is so pervasive. poverty change the mindset of the people.
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Permalink Reply by favour divine on
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I dont see that kind of i love you romance in Nigeria,i remembered when i told my girl that i love her so much but she asked me if she will eat love?,this tell you that romance in a relationship works hand in hand with well being of people involved,i think in this country we still have a long way to go in respect to this.
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Permalink Reply by Charles Ugochukwu Okere on
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Nigerians pretend a lot. It is either they are too religious to show emotions or they are too discplined to respond to love overtures yet they do it in secret. We have come of age and the world has changed tremendously that one should be able to expess one's feelings at any point in time.
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I totally agree with you Charles, we need to free ourselves.
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Permalink Reply by charles amobi nwokoro on
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Nigerian men are not Robbin Stone( a character in Harold Robbins novel) Although we do see people that are unemotional(men/women) all over the world.I think the society we are love us to be pretenders.Have you notice that you hardly see public display of affection between lovers in Nigeria.Its the society we live in.But I believe with time,exposure,general economic well being of the society etc,things will change for the better.
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Permalink Reply by Lyna pau Opara on
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I think d issue is not telling d truth about Nigerian men becos they are 100% emotional and romantic.. What i think d writer should have post is dat, in some cases, dat Nigerian men don't show tru emotions and practice false romantic display....i mean in some cases not all of them. Tanx
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Permalink Reply by Ehidiamen philips oziegbe on
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Nigeria men re more romantic dan Nigeria Woman,our ladies re not after love or romance,bt wht dey re after, is cash.even u, dat is talking,i can say 2 u dat u re not romantic,for instance ve u ever kissed ur guy in d public?i ned ur answer
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